In Pursuit of Myself

In my last few posts, I've been really honest about where I am right now and the struggles I'm having with figuring out exactly who I am, both as a mom and outside of being a mom.

I had a talk with a good friend over the weekend that helped me make some headway in figuring this out. He suggested that perhaps one of my biggest challenges is simply that I don't have anything for me that I love to do. I think that was a good point. Lots of moms love to do the things I mentioned in my last post-- cooking, baking, crafting, etc. But that's not really my thing. I need to find that thing that I love doing and then do it. Because deep down, even though I know I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom forever, I absolutely DO feel that this is where I am supposed to be right now. It is so important to me to be home with my kids during their early years. I fully expect that once Isaac starts school, I will be pursuing school or a career of my own. But right now, this is where I know I am called to be. So I need to find a way to make it work better for me, and trying to force myself to become the "domestic goddess" I mentioned in my last post isn't the solution.

I think I am taking steps in the right direction, though. Over the weekend, my family joined the Y and I have been going to work out every day since then. It has been really nice to get some time to myself to exercise, plus it's good for me. Isaac loves the childcare there; in fact, he hasn't wanted to leave when it's time to go home! He looks forward to going to play every day.

I've also started reading a few books that have nothing to do with parenting. They're books about Christianity, particularly the American version of it, and while I don't agree with the authors on everything they say, it gives me a lot to think about. It's so nice to have something to think about and talk about other than my children.

Plus I am considering going ahead and applying for a master's program in counseling. I could start in the fall, and just go part-time. I think I could handle a class or two per semester, especially since they're evening classes.

Already I am feeling more balanced and more like myself again. And, interestingly enough, I've noticed myself enjoying my role as a mom more, too. Good stuff!