Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Little Things

The question was posed to me: What would you most like to hear God say to you when you get to heaven?

I knew almost immediately what my true answer was, but it felt too personal to vocalize at that moment; I felt vulnerable. So I opted instead for a funny answer. Humor is all too often my go-to response when I feel like the conversation could be approaching some of the more tender spots in my heart. Defense mechanism, I suppose.

But I’ve had more time to think about it since then, and I want to give my serious answer.
I would love to hear God say, “I saw all the ‘little things’ you did and said, the sacrifices you made, the things you thought no one else noticed or appreciated… and I want you know that those things really did matter.”

Deep down, I know that I make choices based on what I believe in my heart is the right thing. It’s not about praise or affirmation from others. I’m not in it for recognition or appreciation. But every now and then, in those moments where I am feeling the most tapped out, when I feel that I have given and given until there is nothing left to give– yet more must still be given– in those moments there is something within me that desperately wants to know that it matters. That someone notices. That what I do/say/give is appreciated. That it really does make a difference. I think sometimes, if I knew that, it would help renew my energy and I would not feel so depleted.

And so part of me hopes that God notices, regardless of whether other people do. I hope that someday God will say to me, “I noticed. I saw. I heard. What you did mattered. It made a difference. Well done.”

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