Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Coming Out of Hiding

For a long time, I haven't been able to bring myself to blog. Of course I'm busy with school and parenting, but that isn't the real reason I haven't been writing. The truth is, I've been feeling self-conscious about sharing my thoughts with other people.

I have been reluctant to share because I fear how I'll be perceived or that I'll unintentionally hurt someone. Some examples... If I post something about parenting, what if people feel like I'm judging them or stepping on their toes? If I post about faith, what if I say something that is unintentionally wrong and therefore misleading? If I am vulnerable about my feelings and struggles, what if that comes back to bite me somehow? And really, isn't it kind of arrogant and self-centered to assume that I have things to say that will help or encourage other people anyway?

So I have become quiet. I've written some things for myself, but I haven't been sharing them with other people.

It bothers me, though. I have always loved to write, and my writing has rarely been something I have kept private. It is cathartic for me to write about my thoughts, feelings, struggles, and successes, and I have always enjoyed hearing input from other people on these things.

I have read two blog posts recently that have really inspired me to want to start blogging again. The first one is about surviving as a sensitive person, one who absorbs the emotions, beauty, and pain around them. (I am such a person; it is both a blessing and a curse at times.) One of the tips the author gives is to create:
Sensitive types and creativity go hand in hand, because their rawness and innate ability to pick up on information and energy that others don't feel can easily be translated into art and passionate expression. So rescue that fleeting gorgeous moment, then recycle it through your chosen medium. Perhaps you can make your guitar cry, or weave beautiful cloth into wearable clothing or drip powerful words like blood on a page, or capture that perfect light with your camera before you. Just create, create, then create some more so other people can see through your eyes, sensitive person.

This is so beautiful to me. I do not feel wholly myself when I absorb all these things around me and never let them flow back out of me. I am not a musician or an artist, but I am a writer, and I have always used the written word to process beauty, pain, tension, faith, and love. My fears of being misunderstood, judged, or taken advantage of by others should not stop me from engaging in something I love.

Which leads me to the second post that has inspired me, a post I read today by my friend Jaime. (Who is an awesome artist, by the way-- you should check out her website!) Lately she has been setting up her art at various markets and art shows, and she has written about the vulnerability that comes with sharing one's art with the world. This quote really spoke to me:
I remembered why I love this.  Paintings weren't meant to be hidden away.  Instead they are supposed to be shared with the world.  Art connects us.  And, I love that feeling of connection. When I sell a painting or a print it is like sharing a part of my heart.
That is what writing is to me. I can write just for myself and hide it away, and I do still get some of the benefits that come with processing through the written word. But when I share it with others, when I have the chance to inspire someone or to connect with someone who can relate-- that means so much more to me.

So I will try to start venturing out into the blogging world again. Not because I think that what I have to say is earth-shatteringly important, but because I feel more like myself when I share my writing with others, and because I am tired of shying away from it out of fear. I hope you will come along with me.


  1. I love this! Thanks for including me it, it is an honor :). I hope you write. Write your heart out and don't give a damn about what people think!!

  2. You would never intentionally hurt someone so don't worry about that. We love hearing from you. It really was wonderful to see you and your beautiful family again. You and C have done an excellent job loving and raising your children. They are very polite and as I told E, he is eloquent like his mom. God has given you a gift with words so you need to express yourself.

  3. I am so glad you are blogging again. I always enjoy reading what you have written. ;) I was thinking about the same concept the other day. What I came up with was: I need to worry less about what people think of me and more about what I think of other people. It at least makes sense in my mind.