Letting Go

Recently my 6 year old wanted to play Words With Friends on my phone. I had started a Solo Play game, so I let him take it over.

As I sat with him and watched him play, it took every ounce of self-control I could summon to not jump in, offer advice, suggest higher-point words, and show him better places on the board to play his words. You see, I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, and I wanted so badly to jump in and take over.

But I held back and observed as he made the game his own. He looked at the letters he'd been given and formed his own words with them-- not always the words I would have chosen myself, but he was pleased with them. He asked for help occasionally, and I gave him guidance but tried to give him space to decide what he would play, so he could learn as he went. In the end he did not win the game, but he was excited and proud nonetheless, and he was ready to try again.

And it hit me-- isn't this the essence of parenting as children grow older?

To let go of that desire to control, to take over, and to make decisions for your child that seem "right" to you...

To instead allow them to use what they have-- their personality, character, resources, strengths, and interests-- in the way that seems best to them...

To give them guidance as needed, but not take over the process...

To give them the space to decide for themselves and experience the results of those choices...

To allow them to learn as they go, so in the end they can feel empowered and motivated to continue growing and improving...

And as silly as it may sound, it starts with things as simple as a word game. It begins even when they are still young, by allowing children the space to make age-appropriate choices, and empowering them to do things on their own.

It's even harder to do in real life than it is to do during a game of Words With Friends, but I believe it's worth it.