Where They Are

I've heard many people say that God "meets you where you are." He's not angry or punishing us for not being able to do everything the way he knows is best. Nor is he throwing out expectations and standards; he expects us to grow and mature. But God recognizes our abilities and weaknesses at any given spot in our journey and he guides us through them. He patiently disciples us and helps us grow, and as we mature, we start living more as he desires us to live.

It hit me the other day that this is an excellent model for me as a parent, and it's something I've forgotten quite a bit lately, if I'm being honest. I've realized how often I refuse to meet my children where they are. As the adult, with my adult logic and rules and plans, I end up frustrated because my children are simply not on the same level. And it is so easy to become harsh and punitive when, rather than meeting my children where they are, I expect them to be where I am! But I was reminded that this is not how God treats me.

So I have been re-evaluating my parenting and reminding myself that my children are in completely different places developmentally than I am. They have their own abilities and weaknesses. I need to understand what they are and are not capable of at any given age/stage and meet them where they are. Of course this doesn't mean tossing out rules and standards of behavior; that would be permissive, and that's not how God treats me either. ;-) It means coming alongside them and patiently discipling them, guiding and teaching them, and helping them grow and mature.

I want the fruit of the spirit to be evident in my parenting-- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I am reminded of God's patience, kindness, and gentleness to me, and I want to show the same to my children. It seems that in meeting my children where they are, there is a greater likelihood for grace, patience, and understanding to characterize my relationship with them.

Commitment

"At first, everything was going great. I was happy, my needs were being met, and everything was going smoothly. I couldn't have asked for more! But lately, things haven't been going so well. I don't feel like my needs are being met anymore, things aren't going the way I want them to go, and I have to admit, I've been mighty tempted to look elsewhere. I'm just sure someone else can meet my needs better. I know I made a commitment, but now I'm thinking that maybe it's time to give up on this and walk away."

If someone said this regarding their marriage, they would probably be encouraged to work things out. Every marriage goes through rough times occasionally, and these times are opportunities for growth. The couple could talk through things honestly, figure out what isn't working, and work together to move in a healthier direction.

Over the past couple of years, I've come to realize how many similarities there are between committing to a marriage and committing to a church community.

When you're trying to find the right church community, you do look around. But eventually, you are hopefully able to settle into a place that feels right. You're on board with the church's vision, you're getting involved and building relationships, and you're growing closer to God. But communities, just like marriages, go through hard times occasionally, and you may begin to feel less happy with the situation. Maybe you don't feel that your needs are being met anymore, or maybe you don't like how things are going. At that point, it can be tempting to walk away.

But should you walk away?

Now, I know the analogy breaks down. Sometimes, even when you've made a commitment to a church, things in the church change so drastically that it really is best to move on, or you've tried your hardest to make changes and it just isn't happening. I'm not talking about situations like that, though. I'm talking about the general hard times, the times where you don't feel like your needs are being met or you don't like how something is going.

Personally, I feel that if I've made a commitment to a church community, I am with them through thick and thin, and I'm not going anywhere unless I've done everything I can to make it work. Of course, that doesn't mean concerns should be ignored. Just as you would in a marriage, I think it's vital to talk it out within the community and be honest about what's working and what isn't, and then move forward together to try to get to a healthier place for everyone. This obviously implies that the community is honest enough to talk about things that aren't working and that the community is open to change if needed.

What do you think? Have you ever found a church that you feel you could commit to through thick and thin? Or are you still looking? If you're still searching for the right fit, I hope you find it. And once you find it, I hope you will commit to it and do everything you can to make it work. And I hope that within the church as a whole, we can move away from the consumer mindset that asks, "What can the church do for me?" and instead move toward a mindset that asks, "How can I contribute positively to this community?"

Connection

I have noticed that the times I feel most connected to God are also the times I feel most connected to other people.

Let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another... I have heard this scripture used many times to explain why it is so important for people to go to church. And while I agree that this verse can mean that, I'm not sure that's really the heart of what is being said.

Let's be honest. A person could easily attend church without ever really meeting with any other believers. Sure, they're all in the same room, singing the same songs, listening to the same sermon. But the real question is, are they meeting with each other? Are they connecting, are they conversing, are they sharing their lives, are they encouraging each other and being encouraged?

I think I feel more connected to God when I am more connected to people because God made us this way. We are made to need connection with others, to desire and pursue relationship and community. And that connection, the meeting together that happens within community, that is what should not be neglected.

Does that happen within the confines of the church walls on Sunday morning? Well, sure, it can, and I hope it does. But it happens elsewhere too, whenever we are connecting with each other and pursuing authentic relationships. There is no doubt that a relationship with God is important, but honest relationships with other believers are also vital. Let's be sure we do not neglect one while pursuing the other; they go hand in hand.

Introspective

I'm settled in on the couch with the laptop and a goal: I will write. I don't know what I will write, but I will write. Not writing regularly is taking its toll on me; I know very well that I process things better and am able to make connections between things when I write, yet I have hardly written a word in months.

I've been in a weird place in my life, not exactly a dark spot, but a quiet one. There has been no flurry of new ideas or new realizations, no burning desire to write passionately about topics that matter to me, no interest in sharing much of myself with the internet world.

In some ways it has been a dark spot, though. I go through seasons of feeling very connected, both to other people and to God, and then I go through seasons of feeling rather disconnected. I have felt alone lately; not often lonely, but alone. Alone with my thoughts and my feelings and my struggles.

Eventually these seasons of quiet introspection give way to seasons of connection, understanding, discovery, growth, and change. The quiet times in between seem to be necessary for me to process the last season of growth and prepare for the next.

So that's where I am now.

Homeschooling Update

Well, here we are, two weeks into our first year of homeschooling. Many people have asked me how things are going, and all things considered, I think they're going quite well. We've had some ups and downs as we get used to our new schedule, and I've identified some areas that need to be changed so they'll work better for us, but I think that's pretty normal.

I didn't realize how fulfilling this would be for me. Homeschooling is something I've wanted to do for a long time, but I never felt ready until this year (second grade). Now I find myself wishing I had started sooner! I worried that homeschooling would overwhelm me. I asked myself how I would ever manage to get things done if I was also educating my children. But as we've gotten started, I've noticed something so interesting: I actually feel less overwhelmed and I'm getting more accomplished. I think there are a few reasons for this.

I'm one of those people who thrive on staying fairly busy. When I don't have enough to do, I get bored and lazy. I fall into this a lot as a stay-at-home mom, to be honest. I mean, yes, there is obviously a lot to do, but it doesn't provide me the structure I thrive on. I find myself thinking, "I can wash those dishes or clean the bathroom later, so why do it right now?" and I end up not getting everything done. Homeschooling adds more responsibility to my plate and gives more structure to my day, and I find that I'm actually managing my time better and getting a lot more done every day.

Besides that, there's something about educating my children that fulfills me in a way that cleaning and even childcare do not. I love having a clean house, but it makes me want to pull out each of my hairs individually to do the same tasks over and over and over with no end in sight, ever. Dishes, laundry, picking up toys, sweeping, dishes, laundry... But homeschooling feels more purposeful to me; it is not simply a task that I will do over and over in exactly the same way multiple times a day every single day. It changes, it's a process, something is accomplished, we move on, growth is seen.

Plus, I'm a nerd and also a tad bit (okay, a lot) OCD, so I get great satisfaction out of lesson planning and getting things ready for school. It's something I truly enjoy doing.

So I think those things-- doing something structured, purposeful, and enjoyable-- play a part in why I feel less overwhelmed and am getting more accomplished now that I'm homeschooling. The level of fulfillment that I am personally receiving from homeschooling also leaves me feeling more content and confident in general, which is certainly a positive thing.

Have you ever noticed a difference in other areas of your life when you start doing something that is fulfilling to you?

The One Where I Talk About Boobs

The other day, I heard a statement that made me giggle a little inside, but the more I thought about it, the more irritated I became. This is nothing against the person who said it; in fact, this was said by a very pro-breastfeeding individual. But what was said was that breastfeeding moms should be discreet about nursing in public and they shouldn't just pop out their boobs where anyone could see them, because, after all, "You wouldn't want someone's eight year old son or a teenager seeing that."

At first, I laughed to myself. I have an eight year old son, and honestly, yeah, he sees me breastfeed every day. And it's no big deal. It's how a woman's breasts were meant to function.

But later that day, our family was in the checkout line at the grocery store, and right there on my eight-year old's eye level was the newest issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. And hey, look, there's Jessica Alba on the cover with her boobs nearly falling out of the top of her dress, surrounded by headlines like, "Untamed Va-jay-jays" and "Guy Sex Confessions: 37 Things He Doesn't Have the Balls to Tell You." Oh, did I mention that my eight year old son can read? Yep. He can.

And that's when I got angry. What a double standard! In our culture it's perfectly fine to put adult images and headlines like that right on a child's eye level in the store, but if a woman shows any boob while nursing her baby, people want to shield their eyes or get the woman to cover up or leave the room.

I would rather my son see women nursing their babies in public, breast showing and all, than to walk him through the grocery store and see sexy pictures and headlines about sex confessions and, um, female grooming.

It's no wonder so many people end up being uncomfortable or even grossed out by breastfeeding; what else should we expect when we make it clear from the time our kids are small that breasts in our culture are meant for nothing more than sexual arousal? Our society as a whole-- and this includes children!-- needs to be exposed to breastfeeding as natural and normal, and not something to hide or be ashamed of. For heaven's sake, women are just trying to nourish their babies the way God designed them to be fed. Why should they be expected to hide that? They shouldn't be.

Can breasts be sexual? Well, yeah, but so can mouths, and we don't ask people to hide them when they're eating. Think about it.

The Homeschooling Adventure Begins!

A few months ago, I attended an informational meeting for parents who were thinking about homeschooling. One of the women said that when you're just getting started with homeschooling, it can be a good idea to start slowly and ease into things rather than starting every single subject on day one. This made a lot of sense to me, and I filed it away to use in August.

Well, now it's August. Today the county schools started; we heard Elijah's old bus drive past the house this morning. I get nervous and excited butterflies in my stomach every time I think about it: I am officially a homeschooler. I already was, but this realization that he would have been sitting in a second grade classroom right now makes me even more aware that we're really doing this.

I'm taking the advice to ease into things. I think after two years of being used to public school and a long summer break, it would be overwhelming to both of us to start out on day one with every subject. We have plenty of time ahead of us; we can take it slow for the first few weeks.

This week we're doing lessons on nutrition. We're reading about fats, protein, carbohydrates, vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and the five food groups. We're talking about a balanced diet, and Elijah's making a book with one page for each of the things mentioned above. Next week, we'll start our Sonlight core (this includes history/geography, Bible, reading, and language arts). Later in the month, we'll add our science curriculum (also Sonlight) and math. My goal is to have everything introduced by the first week of September.

I think easing into things gradually will be a good fit for us. I'll let you know how it goes. Let the adventure begin!