Looking at me from the outside, you might think I pretty much have things all together. Sure, you may think that I mess up every now and then, in little ways, but it doesn’t seem like anything too major, especially when you compare it to my accomplishments and the way God is working in my life.
But I have a secret. There is something that keeps coming back to haunt me. I struggle with this thing over and over. Try as I might, I cannot seem to permanently disentangle myself from it. Sometimes it feels like there is a battle taking place for my very soul. When the temptation arises, I fight against it, but eventually I become so weary and I start giving in. I know what I should do, but I find myself doing the very thing I hate.
The struggle is exhausting and painful. Sometimes it feels like a huge thorn is lodged deeply into me, piercing my flesh and going all the way down to my spirit. And when I look at this recurring battle, in all its ugliness and pain, I can see just how broken I really am. In that moment, I cannot be prideful, I cannot fool myself into thinking I have it all together, I cannot pretend to everyone else that all is well. On my own, I am nothing. I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.
And so I cry out to God in frustration. I ask him to take this thing away from me. His answer stuns me. He says no. But why would he let me keep struggling through this when he could just make it all better? I plead with him to take it away. It is too much. I cannot bear this own my own. And then the answer comes more clearly than ever.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
He tells me that he is not going to take this thing away from me. We all have things that we struggle with, some publicly, some privately. Humanity as a whole is broken, far from the way God intended us to be in the beginning, and I am no exception. I am humbled by my own humanity, my own weaknesses and failures and temptations. I realize that I cannot do this on my own. I cannot be perfect. I have no business being prideful.
And, in fact, if I were able to do just fine on my own, I would never be able to experience the amazing grace of God. There would be no need for it. The truth is, I don’t deserve this grace at all. Yet there it is, offered to me by a God who is able to use even my biggest screw-ups to remind me of his power and love.
Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! His grace is sufficient for me. His power is made perfect in my weakness.
Inspired by Romans 7:15-25 and 2 Corinthians 12:1-10
Showing posts with label Romans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Romans. Show all posts
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Thy Grace Alone
Several months ago, I began going through the book of Romans, reading and then writing about a chapter at a time. I only made it through a few chapters before I quit.
I'm thinking that it's about time to pick that back up. Romans always speaks to me in such a profound way, and it is especially hitting me hard lately as I grapple with the grace of God and my own brokenness.
I've realized that while I seem to understand grace in theory, I have such a hard time understanding it and accepting it when it comes to myself. Recently I have come face to face with my own brokenness and the issues and struggles that come from it. I've tried denying it, I've tried hiding it, I've tried giving in to it, and I've tried fixing myself. But I've come to a point where I have stopped trying to do all those things and instead am trying to wrap my mind around the unfathomable, amazing grace of God.
The song "Not What My Hands Have Done" by Aaron Keyes has been on my mind, and I think it fits perfectly in this post. You can also read the lyrics at the following link if, like me, you don't really like to watch videos. ;) http://www.lyricstime.com/aaron-keyes-not-what-my-hands-have-done-lyrics.html
I'm thinking that it's about time to pick that back up. Romans always speaks to me in such a profound way, and it is especially hitting me hard lately as I grapple with the grace of God and my own brokenness.
I've realized that while I seem to understand grace in theory, I have such a hard time understanding it and accepting it when it comes to myself. Recently I have come face to face with my own brokenness and the issues and struggles that come from it. I've tried denying it, I've tried hiding it, I've tried giving in to it, and I've tried fixing myself. But I've come to a point where I have stopped trying to do all those things and instead am trying to wrap my mind around the unfathomable, amazing grace of God.
The song "Not What My Hands Have Done" by Aaron Keyes has been on my mind, and I think it fits perfectly in this post. You can also read the lyrics at the following link if, like me, you don't really like to watch videos. ;) http://www.lyricstime.com/aaron-keyes-not-what-my-hands-have-done-lyrics.html
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Faith
In the fourth chapter of Romans, Paul continues the discussion about faith, this time focusing on Abraham. He points out that Abraham was the father of both the circumcised and the uncircumcised because it was his faith, not circumcision or works, that justified Abraham before God. To us today that may sound like a no-brainer; of course we know that the state of a man's foreskin doesn't make him righteous. But during Paul's day, the debate over whether believers must be circumcised was a big deal. This was something the Jewish people had done for a long, long time-- but Paul was pointing out to them that it's not outward appearance or actions that count as righteousness.
The circumcision discussion may not challenge our thinking in the same way it would have challenged Paul's audience, but think about this. Western culture focuses heavily on performance, and there are at least segments of Christian culture that focus on outward appearance and rules. In light of this, I wonder if the message that our works are not what justify us before God is just as hard to wrap our minds around as it was for the Jewish people when Paul told them that circumcision did not equal righteousness?
Near the beginning of the chapter, Paul says, "Now to the one who works, his wages are not counted as a gift but as his due. And to the one who does not work but trusts him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness." How often do we expect that if we just do what we're supposed to do, God will give us the wages we are due? How often do we believe that if we do the right things or act the right way or give enough, we will deserve to be rewarded by God? But really, we "deserve" no such thing on the merit of our own righteousness. Even our "righteous" works are like filthy rags, and it is by God's grace alone that we can have a relationship with him at all. It's a gift, not a right, not something owed to us in exchange for our good works.
I've heard so much talk about doing certain things in order to receive blessings from God. I would submit that perhaps we should stop worrying about what we can "get" from God, stop worrying so much about our own performance, stop focusing on rewards and rules, and instead simply focus on God. Let's build a relationship with him and allow him to transform our hearts, our desires, our actions, our lives. I'll put it this way: What's the point of giving God our filthy rags in hopes that he'll give us even more filthy rags? It's not about giving stuff to God or doing certain things so he'll bless us; it's about giving ourselves, our hearts, to him, surrendering and allowing him to transform us.
When we reduce our relationship with God to a give-and-take in which we receive our due wages for doing the right things, we are missing the point. This is not a transaction; it is about faith and grace and a transforming relationship with our Creator.
The circumcision discussion may not challenge our thinking in the same way it would have challenged Paul's audience, but think about this. Western culture focuses heavily on performance, and there are at least segments of Christian culture that focus on outward appearance and rules. In light of this, I wonder if the message that our works are not what justify us before God is just as hard to wrap our minds around as it was for the Jewish people when Paul told them that circumcision did not equal righteousness?
Near the beginning of the chapter, Paul says, "Now to the one who works, his wages are not counted as a gift but as his due. And to the one who does not work but trusts him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness." How often do we expect that if we just do what we're supposed to do, God will give us the wages we are due? How often do we believe that if we do the right things or act the right way or give enough, we will deserve to be rewarded by God? But really, we "deserve" no such thing on the merit of our own righteousness. Even our "righteous" works are like filthy rags, and it is by God's grace alone that we can have a relationship with him at all. It's a gift, not a right, not something owed to us in exchange for our good works.
I've heard so much talk about doing certain things in order to receive blessings from God. I would submit that perhaps we should stop worrying about what we can "get" from God, stop worrying so much about our own performance, stop focusing on rewards and rules, and instead simply focus on God. Let's build a relationship with him and allow him to transform our hearts, our desires, our actions, our lives. I'll put it this way: What's the point of giving God our filthy rags in hopes that he'll give us even more filthy rags? It's not about giving stuff to God or doing certain things so he'll bless us; it's about giving ourselves, our hearts, to him, surrendering and allowing him to transform us.
When we reduce our relationship with God to a give-and-take in which we receive our due wages for doing the right things, we are missing the point. This is not a transaction; it is about faith and grace and a transforming relationship with our Creator.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Not What My Hands Have Done
In the third chapter of Romans, Paul basically says God is righteous and we're not. Sounds pretty simple, right? But how often do we try to rely on our own righteousness?
The law that was given to the Jews made them very aware when they were missing the mark, and because God has also written his law on our hearts, we too are aware of how incapable we are of righteousness. We all mess up. We can't boast about the things we do and say, because all too often our words and actions reveal just how unrighteous we really are on our own; as Isaiah says, "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags."
It is through faith alone that we enter a relationship with God, and it is through that relationship that God illuminates his law in our hearts. This, in turn, affects our words and actions.
We can't do anything to make ourselves righteous. We can't follow God's law perfectly (whether Torah or what he's written on our hearts). We can't clean ourselves up enough on the outside to transform ourselves on the inside.
But we try. Oh, we try. Sometimes we strive and perform only to fail and berate ourselves for it; at other times we strive and perform and end up looking pretty good on the outside, but on the inside we know something is still not right. Either way, our focus is on our own performance, our own righteousness, and not God. In a culture that is highly individualistic and performance-driven, it is not surprising that so many people struggle with this. It's ingrained in us to focus on ourselves and our own performance rather than on God and his transforming love and grace.
I want to wrap this up with some of the lyrics to a really amazing song by Aaron Keyes. This song brings me to tears whenever I hear it. What a beautiful message.
Not what my hands have done can save my guilty soul,
Not what my toiling flesh has borne can make my spirit whole.
Not what I feel or do can give me peace with God.
Not all my prayers and sighs and tears can bear my awful load.
These guilty hands are raised,
Filthy rags are all I bring,
And I have come to hide beneath your wings.
These holy hands are raised,
Washed in the fountain of your grace,
And now I wear your righteousness.
The law that was given to the Jews made them very aware when they were missing the mark, and because God has also written his law on our hearts, we too are aware of how incapable we are of righteousness. We all mess up. We can't boast about the things we do and say, because all too often our words and actions reveal just how unrighteous we really are on our own; as Isaiah says, "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags."
It is through faith alone that we enter a relationship with God, and it is through that relationship that God illuminates his law in our hearts. This, in turn, affects our words and actions.
We can't do anything to make ourselves righteous. We can't follow God's law perfectly (whether Torah or what he's written on our hearts). We can't clean ourselves up enough on the outside to transform ourselves on the inside.
But we try. Oh, we try. Sometimes we strive and perform only to fail and berate ourselves for it; at other times we strive and perform and end up looking pretty good on the outside, but on the inside we know something is still not right. Either way, our focus is on our own performance, our own righteousness, and not God. In a culture that is highly individualistic and performance-driven, it is not surprising that so many people struggle with this. It's ingrained in us to focus on ourselves and our own performance rather than on God and his transforming love and grace.
I want to wrap this up with some of the lyrics to a really amazing song by Aaron Keyes. This song brings me to tears whenever I hear it. What a beautiful message.
Not what my hands have done can save my guilty soul,
Not what my toiling flesh has borne can make my spirit whole.
Not what I feel or do can give me peace with God.
Not all my prayers and sighs and tears can bear my awful load.
These guilty hands are raised,
Filthy rags are all I bring,
And I have come to hide beneath your wings.
These holy hands are raised,
Washed in the fountain of your grace,
And now I wear your righteousness.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Repentance
"Do you know what it is to feel the light of love inside you, and all the darkness falls away?" -Dave Matthews Band
In Romans 2, Paul writes that although God gave the law (Torah) to the Jews, he has also written his law on the hearts of those who are not Jews. I love that God has put his law in our hearts. So many people think about the Old Testament law in a negative way-- too strict, impossible to follow perfectly, and not necessary to Christians anyway because of Jesus. I don't entirely agree with that, though. I can think of a few things Jesus said about the law that tell me it is still important-- for example, in Matthew 5 Jesus says that he didn't come to abolish it, but to fulfill it (in other words, live it out fully). At other times Jesus says that things like love for God and your neighbor and treating others the way you would want them to treat you summarize the law and the prophets. So I don't agree that the law is irrelevant post-Jesus. I think it reveals God's heart and desire for his people. There is no longer a need for atonement whenever we do not live it perfectly, though-- Jesus paid this penalty for us, and this gives us the freedom to have a relationship with God and to follow him the best we can while accepting his grace and forgiveness along the way. Paul also points out that it is what is in our hearts that sets us apart for God, not something outward like circumcision. What is important is not what can be physically observed on the outside; God is looking at us inwardly, in our hearts.
Truth be told, I seriously struggle with where my heart is sometimes. I know that I end up straying into places that I should not be, places that are off limits and are not in line with how God desires for me to live. At the beginning of Romans 2, Paul writes, "Do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?" And that, I think, gets to the root of my struggle. I know that God is forgiving and patient and has given me grace, so I sometimes make the mistake of not taking these issues very seriously when they come up, when in fact they are serious.
See, what happens is I get to a place where I start thinking I'm doing pretty well and I can handle things from here. But then when I start trying to manage things on my own, I slowly drift away from God. God is still there, willing to shine his light into every corner of my heart, but as I drift away, the darkness becomes more and more pronounced, and the light fades into the distance. It is like seeing a very bright light from far away, and it looks like a tiny speck. But then when I realize just how far I've drifted and begin moving closer again, the light becomes bigger and brighter, and as it shines on all these things I've been hiding, I realize they have to go. Bad habits, thought patterns, attitudes, desires-- they are glaringly obvious. It's hard to let go of the things that have become deeply ingrained, but in order to stay in the light, I must. It's like turning on a bright light in a pitch black room; it hurts as I adjust.
And when I get to that point, I realize that I cannot continue to "presume on the riches of his kindness" and ignore these issues in my heart. His law is written there and he is illuminating it for me. His grace means that the penalty has been paid; it does not mean he is permissively looking the other way. It is meant to bring me to repentance. And so as God's love and kindness bring me to repentance, and I move closer to the light, his light fills me and the darkness fades.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Not God
In the first chapter of Romans, Paul writes that God has revealed himself through his creation, yet people have ended up worshiping the creation rather than the Creator.
I think it's beautiful that God chose to reveal himself through the things he made. He called them good, and they are indeed good-- perhaps because they point to him. It's not hard to get caught up in making false idols of that which is of God-- that which points to him, reveals him, and reflects him-- but is not God.
Oftentimes the things we make idols of are not bad things, they are good things. They reveal something about God, and we see the goodness in them, but we may end up following after those things rather than God himself. And eventually, it's easy to be swept away and led astray because what we've committed our hearts to and set our sights on is not God.
Actually, this reminds me of something I read in the book Jesus for President. I'll share a short excerpt here (emphasis added):
Suppose you've been reading someone's blog or a book they've written, so you know quite a lot about what they enjoy and appreciate. So you decide you will pursue those same things, you will try to become like them and appreciate the things they appreciate and enjoy the things they enjoy and do the things they do. Then maybe one day, when you're enough like that person, you will meet them and form a relationship.
That's a weird way to approach a relationship, right? Yet I think we do this with God more often than we realize. On the surface there seems to be just a trivial difference between following after the things that are close to God's heart and following after God, but in reality the difference isn't trivial at all! As Christians, we can read through the Bible and see the heart of God revealed over and over. But do we try to pursue the things that are close to God's heart, the good things, the "almost-God," or do we first develop a relationship with him?
Here is the beautiful thing: through relationship with him, our hearts will be changed and we will naturally start living in ways that are close to the heart of God. To try to pursue those things without the relationship, or in hopes of becoming good enough to develop a relationship with him, is backwards.
Maybe this sounds entirely foreign to you, but it's something I've struggled with, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I have seen things that absolutely reflect the heart of God and I've tried to do and be those things-- but without pursuing the relationship above all! I end up trying to do them on my own, and I tell myself that if I can make these things appear in my life, I will be closer to God. In the end it's another kind of legalism and another kind of idolatry. It reminds me of the fruit of the Spirit; you can't make it grow in your life. It is not the fruit of your efforts or the fruit of your good intentions; it is the fruit of a relationship with God.
So when we see things that are good, things that are close to God's heart, God's beautiful creation, the "almost-God," let's remember that these do not stand alone. They are good, they are beautiful, they are meaningful, because they point to him. How tragic it would be to be so close to the Creator only to be sidetracked by following after the things that are close to him-- but are not him.
I think it's beautiful that God chose to reveal himself through the things he made. He called them good, and they are indeed good-- perhaps because they point to him. It's not hard to get caught up in making false idols of that which is of God-- that which points to him, reveals him, and reflects him-- but is not God.
Oftentimes the things we make idols of are not bad things, they are good things. They reveal something about God, and we see the goodness in them, but we may end up following after those things rather than God himself. And eventually, it's easy to be swept away and led astray because what we've committed our hearts to and set our sights on is not God.
Actually, this reminds me of something I read in the book Jesus for President. I'll share a short excerpt here (emphasis added):
It's the beautiful things that get us. Perhaps the greatest seduction is not the anti-God, but the almost-God. Poisonous fruit can look pretty tasty. That's what is so dangerous about ideas like freedom, peace and justice. They are all seductive qualities, close to the heart of God... Most of the ugliness in the human narrative comes from a distorted quest to possess beauty. Coveting begins with appreciating blessings. Murder begins with a hunger for justice. Lust begins with a recognition of beauty. Gluttony beings when our enjoyment of the delectable gifts of God starts to consume us. Idolatry begins when our seeing a reflection of God in something beautiful leads to our thinking that the beautiful image bearer is worthy of worship.
Suppose you've been reading someone's blog or a book they've written, so you know quite a lot about what they enjoy and appreciate. So you decide you will pursue those same things, you will try to become like them and appreciate the things they appreciate and enjoy the things they enjoy and do the things they do. Then maybe one day, when you're enough like that person, you will meet them and form a relationship.
That's a weird way to approach a relationship, right? Yet I think we do this with God more often than we realize. On the surface there seems to be just a trivial difference between following after the things that are close to God's heart and following after God, but in reality the difference isn't trivial at all! As Christians, we can read through the Bible and see the heart of God revealed over and over. But do we try to pursue the things that are close to God's heart, the good things, the "almost-God," or do we first develop a relationship with him?
Here is the beautiful thing: through relationship with him, our hearts will be changed and we will naturally start living in ways that are close to the heart of God. To try to pursue those things without the relationship, or in hopes of becoming good enough to develop a relationship with him, is backwards.
Maybe this sounds entirely foreign to you, but it's something I've struggled with, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I have seen things that absolutely reflect the heart of God and I've tried to do and be those things-- but without pursuing the relationship above all! I end up trying to do them on my own, and I tell myself that if I can make these things appear in my life, I will be closer to God. In the end it's another kind of legalism and another kind of idolatry. It reminds me of the fruit of the Spirit; you can't make it grow in your life. It is not the fruit of your efforts or the fruit of your good intentions; it is the fruit of a relationship with God.
So when we see things that are good, things that are close to God's heart, God's beautiful creation, the "almost-God," let's remember that these do not stand alone. They are good, they are beautiful, they are meaningful, because they point to him. How tragic it would be to be so close to the Creator only to be sidetracked by following after the things that are close to him-- but are not him.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Romans
A couple years ago, I read through the book of Luke and wrote about each chapter on my old blog. It took me a while to get through it, but it was something I really enjoyed doing. I think it's time to do something similar, this time with Romans.
I'll go ahead and tell you I happen to love the book of Romans. Each time I read it, it speaks to me in such a profound way. There's so much in there, so I won't be writing about every single point and every single verse; instead, I will do what I did with Luke and write about one or two things that stand out to me as I read through each chapter.
I'll also go ahead and tell you that I'm no theologian. These posts are just going to be about the thoughts, ideas, and questions that come to mind as I read. I hope you'll bear with me through it all and join me as I blog my way through Romans.
I'll go ahead and tell you I happen to love the book of Romans. Each time I read it, it speaks to me in such a profound way. There's so much in there, so I won't be writing about every single point and every single verse; instead, I will do what I did with Luke and write about one or two things that stand out to me as I read through each chapter.
I'll also go ahead and tell you that I'm no theologian. These posts are just going to be about the thoughts, ideas, and questions that come to mind as I read. I hope you'll bear with me through it all and join me as I blog my way through Romans.
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