Monday, September 14, 2009

Puzzle Pieces

There's a lot of random stuff on my mind that I need to get out...

Over the weekend, I learned that while I love the mountains, I think I prefer their beauty from a distance rather than driving through them. I feel so claustrophobic (not to mention carsick) when traveling through the mountains in a car. Give me wide open spaces, please.

I also learned that while I like the idea of big cities, I don't think I want to live right in the city. Visiting is great, though. I could probably get used to a big city over time.

I have a really screwed-up view of what I'm realistically capable of. On one hand, I tend to expect more of myself than I can actually accomplish while remaining sane. But on the other hand, I don't believe in my abilities very much. Again with the "all or nothing" aspect of my personality.

More and more I'm realizing that this is my only shot at life, and I'm tired of playing it safe. At the same time, I'm scared of taking risks, especially when we have children who depend on us. We have so many dreams and goals, and every last one of them requires taking risks. If we don't, we'll be stagnant forever, making it by just fine but missing out on a lot of excitement. Shouldn't we enjoy what we do? I'm reminded of the quote I loved so much from Wall-E: "I don't want to survive; I want to live."

Everything in this post fits together like a puzzle. I can see it, even if the reader can't. I'll put all the pieces together for you some other time.

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