Sunday, December 27, 2009

Another Year Over

If you want to know the truth, 2009 has been a difficult year for me- especially in comparison with 2008. At the beginning of 2008, I was pursuing some interests by applying for graduate school and getting involved with Habitat for Humanity, and I was enjoying time with wonderful friends. Then I was pregnant with Isaac (I love pregnancy), and to finish out the year, I had an amazing homebirth.

But as 2009 began, I came down from my natural birth high (this is a very real phenomenon, by the way, not something I’m making up), and I plummeted into what turned out to be a months-long battle with postpartum depression. It didn’t help that I also felt quite lonely and isolated this year; for various reasons, many people who I used to spend a lot of time with have not been around as much. That is no one’s fault; it is just how life is sometimes, but it has been hard.

Isaac turned a year old about a month ago, and I think I have I finally begun to come out of the fog. And that’s exactly what it felt like; the combination of depression and loneliness is like a fog. I feel like I lost myself for a while, and I am finally beginning to see clearly again. As 2009 ends, I am thinking ahead to the future and trying to decide what comes next. Once again, I am pursuing some things I’m interested in; I’ve applied for a part-time job at Habitat for Humanity, but I don’t yet know if I’ve gotten the job. If not, I will be making some decisions about whether to apply for graduate school again (I was accepted before, but chose to put school off so I could focus on Isaac- and that was a very good decision!) or whether to start pursuing certification as a childbirth educator and doula.

Hopefully 2010 will be a wonderful year full of growth, learning, community, and love. I’m looking forward to it!

What are you planning for your year?

2 comments:

  1. hey Jenny, its Living my dream/Lu from GCM.

    I just wanted to say I read your post and today started subscribing to your blog. I, unfortunately, totally understand about the PPD and the losing a year of yourself, it is a horrible feeling and I just wanted to send a hug.

    I have no idea what 2010 will be, Im aiming to sit back for the first month and observe. :)

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