I am at a self-reflective time in my life. I know some of you are thinking, "When is she NOT in a self-reflective time?"
I've realized that I'm running out of the emotional energy to keep up the idealism that has been part of my life for so long. Many times I have created all these ideals for myself and then I don't understand why I can't do them all. I've often found myself thinking something must be wrong with me.
But nothing's wrong with me. I'm human, and I can't do it all. So I've been working on taking the pressure off myself, figuring out what works for me right now and what doesn't, and then doing what I need to do without berating myself and feeling guilty.
In some areas, that means I've stopped trying to do things that are clearly not working at this point in my life. Homeschooling is one of them. Elijah went back to public school a few weeks ago, and it has made a tremendous difference in my emotional state (in a positive way). He is very happy with it too. I'm realizing it's okay to admit that something just isn't working.
In other areas, it means remembering that I am still on the journey myself. I haven't "arrived." No one has. It's okay to not have all the answers. It's okay to mess up. There's no need for me to judge myself so harshly, or to judge others, for that matter. We're all on our own journeys, learning along the way, and doing the best we can in our own day-to-day realities. And that's okay.
So very true. I was in a class at work a few weeks ago and they were talking about being self aware. Someone made the statement that you should know who you are and be okay with it. I find this very freeing. There are so many things that I might ideally like to be or maybe even that I should be, but I'm just not, and that's okay. Trying to live outside of who you are right now is just too much stress and we already have enough of that from outside stimuli. I'm not saying we should never try to better ourselves or grow, but I think we know when we're at the place to go for it.
ReplyDeleteYes, definitely. I think it's such a struggle for me because I tend to live in the world of ideals and dreams and theories, and it's hard for me to stay focused on the here and now, and accept my limitations for what they are. Silly reality. ;) I'm getting better at it anyway, but it definitely doesn't come naturally to me.
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed your comments on my blog lately, by the way. :) Do you have a blog too?
Dr. Dobson years ago said, "God calls for you to educate your children mainly in 3 different ways - - - public school, private school, or homeschool. HE can call you to do one or even all three at different times in your child's life. You should never feel guilty that you have chosen one over the other especially if you are following God's direction in your life."
ReplyDeleteSo - - - who better than Dr. Dobson to say you have made the right choices every time! You are a great MOM and a strong Christian woman.