Looking ahead at 2014, there are a lot of big things on the horizon.
Next week, I will start my school counseling practicum at a local elementary school. I'm so excited, and also pretty nervous. This will be my first real experience in school counseling. The spring semester will also include an oral exam for my master's program, plus I'll be attending my first school counseling conference. During the second half of the year, I'll complete my first of two school counseling internships at either an elementary school or a high school. Also, my husband is about to begin nursing school at night on top of his full-time job. His classes start in a couple weeks, and clinicals begin in February. By the time 2014 wraps up, I'll be one internship away from graduating, and he'll be halfway through the nursing program! We're going to be busy, for sure, but we're both excited about taking the next steps toward our future careers!
Also during the second half of the year, my oldest son will start middle school (how is this even possible?!) and my middle son will start kindergarten. I can't believe how fast my babies are growing up. Each year seems to go by faster.
Of course, I have plenty of other goals for the year. Like most people, I want to lose weight this year and get in better shape. I'm turning 30 next month, and I've realized that I've been carrying around extra weight my entire adult life. Certainly, I have lost a lot of it over the past five years, but I still have approximately 30-40 pounds I want to lose. Even more significant than that, though, is the situation with my abdominal muscles. Basically, they are split (thanks, giant babies) which causes me to have core weakness, back pain, and puts me at risk for a hernia if I don't repair the split. So that is my main health goal for the year. I have to be careful about the exercises I do, though, because traditional abdominal exercises can actually do further damage. I am also thinking about signing up for another color run in April. Maybe. We'll see. ;) I enjoyed my experience with running last year, but it never helped me at all with weight loss, so I may choose to focus my exercise efforts elsewhere. I definitely want to do some strength training, and I have plenty of inches to lose.
Some other things I anticipate this year:
No more diapers! Joshua turned two a few weeks ago and is becoming very interested in potty training. I definitely plan to be completely done with diapers by the end of the year, and hopefully within the next few months.
Lots of reading. I know I don't have a lot of extra time, but I want to be intentional about how I use it. Right now, I tend to spend too much of my spare time on Facebook. Instead, I want to cultivate a habit of reading, especially about topics that are important to me as a mom and school counselor.
Another trip out of town with my husband. I'd love to go back to Nashville around my birthday next month, but any trip at any time would be acceptable. ;)
Writing. If you know me, it's no secret that I've always enjoyed writing. I've kept a journal since I was a child, and I've been blogging in various forms for about a decade now. Unfortunately, I haven't written as much over the past couple of years because I've been so busy, but I miss writing and I want to get back to it. Between my posts as I read through the lectionary, thoughts about various topics, and general life updates, hopefully this blog will get a lot of use this year.
Love. As always, I want to be a more loving, generous person. I hope that people will see the love of God through me as I continue to grow spiritually.
I also want to start consistently attending church again. This will, of course, require my family to stay healthy. That has been our biggest hindrance over the past few months.
And of course, I'm going to continue developing close, positive relationships with my children. The older they get, the more I see these efforts pay off. It's not always easy, and it certainly takes time and patience, but it's so worth it. I want to intentionally focus on spending consistent one-on-one time with each of the boys. They each enjoy this, but it's so easy to let life get away from us without making time for it on a regular basis.
So, there are some of the things I expect for the year. Of course I know there will be many unexpected happenings as well, and I hope I can stay positive throughout whatever changes come my way. Here's to a new year!
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Chaos and Order
It's one of those days where I don't know what to write. As always, a lot of things are in my mind, but they're all fragmented bits of thoughts and not fully (or even halfway) developed.
But, ironically, this is one of the reasons I need to write. In the Harry Potter series, Dumbledore pulls memories out of his mind and stores them away so he can come back to revisit them later. And in a sense, this is what writing is for me, a way to extract the thoughts from my head, not only so I can revisit them later, but so they stop rattling around in my mind and distracting me.
You see, when I don't write, all those thoughts and fragments of thoughts whirl around in my head constantly, and I cannot help but focus on them. At times like this, I'm only halfway involved in the present moment; another part of me is lost in my own head trying to make sense of it all, put it all together, or even sort it all out.
I'm one of those people who has trouble sleeping sometimes because I can't stop thinking. When I do finally sleep, often the things on my mind carry over into my dreams.
Sometimes writing helps me disconnect thoughts that I had assumed were connected until I started examining them more closely. At other times writing helps me make connections between thoughts that I hadn't realized were related.
The Torah was written in Hebrew, and from what I understand, ancient Hebrew is actually made up of word pictures, where each letter is a picture, so each word is made up of pictures, and so on. These word pictures help bring more understanding to the ideas being expressed. I've read that when you take into account the word pictures, Genesis 1:1 actually says, "The one who hung on a cross stood in the midst of chaos and brought order."
Now, obviously, I don't place myself anywhere close to the level of God. But I think there's something to be said for the ability of creation to bring order where there was chaos. God, of course, is the Creator, but we are fashioned in his image, so it only makes sense that the Creator would design us to create as well. Naturally, how this looks in our individual lives varies because we all have unique interests and abilities. I think most people would agree that God put a desire to create inside of us, but I think the word pictures mentioned above bring a greater understanding, not just to the Genesis account of creation, but also to the significance of creation, taking what was chaos and bringing order to it.
Writing brings order to the chaos in my head. It is how I create. How do you create?
But, ironically, this is one of the reasons I need to write. In the Harry Potter series, Dumbledore pulls memories out of his mind and stores them away so he can come back to revisit them later. And in a sense, this is what writing is for me, a way to extract the thoughts from my head, not only so I can revisit them later, but so they stop rattling around in my mind and distracting me.
You see, when I don't write, all those thoughts and fragments of thoughts whirl around in my head constantly, and I cannot help but focus on them. At times like this, I'm only halfway involved in the present moment; another part of me is lost in my own head trying to make sense of it all, put it all together, or even sort it all out.
I'm one of those people who has trouble sleeping sometimes because I can't stop thinking. When I do finally sleep, often the things on my mind carry over into my dreams.
Sometimes writing helps me disconnect thoughts that I had assumed were connected until I started examining them more closely. At other times writing helps me make connections between thoughts that I hadn't realized were related.
The Torah was written in Hebrew, and from what I understand, ancient Hebrew is actually made up of word pictures, where each letter is a picture, so each word is made up of pictures, and so on. These word pictures help bring more understanding to the ideas being expressed. I've read that when you take into account the word pictures, Genesis 1:1 actually says, "The one who hung on a cross stood in the midst of chaos and brought order."
Now, obviously, I don't place myself anywhere close to the level of God. But I think there's something to be said for the ability of creation to bring order where there was chaos. God, of course, is the Creator, but we are fashioned in his image, so it only makes sense that the Creator would design us to create as well. Naturally, how this looks in our individual lives varies because we all have unique interests and abilities. I think most people would agree that God put a desire to create inside of us, but I think the word pictures mentioned above bring a greater understanding, not just to the Genesis account of creation, but also to the significance of creation, taking what was chaos and bringing order to it.
Writing brings order to the chaos in my head. It is how I create. How do you create?
Monday, May 17, 2010
Free Will and Fear of Failure
I hear that one of the keys to becoming a successful writer is to write. That makes sense to me-- write every day, develop your skills, get some practice, improve. The trouble I always have with this idea is that some days I just don't feel like writing. Maybe I have nothing to say, or maybe I feel like what I have to say is too controversial, or maybe I'm worried about saying it all perfectly and I don't want to post my thoughts for others to read until I feel they're flawless.
The first two reasons are true of me occasionally. There have been plenty of times where I'm itching to write something, but I have no idea what I want to say. And several posts have been sitting in my drafts for quite a while now because I fear that they're too controversial to put out there.
But if I'm being completely honest, the third reason probably rings truest for me most of the time. In my writing, just as in the rest of my life, I want things to be perfect and I hesitate to make a move at all unless I feel that it's flawless.
At church lately, and also in a few conversations, the idea has been discussed that maybe God doesn't have a specific plan laid out for everything in our lives. Maybe there are areas that are left up to us to decide, and God will work through them. Perhaps things like how many children to have, or where to live, or what career to pursue. While I'm sure that God does have a plan for these things for some people, I'm also fairly confident that many times he gives us passions and talents and then wants us to use our free will in conjunction with these to make choices about our lives-- and then he will work through those choices.
I know that some have a hard time grasping that idea. Maybe it sounds slightly blasphemous, as though I'm saying God isn't actually all-powerful. (That's not what I'm saying.) Or perhaps it freaks you out a little because you like the idea of God having it all planned out, and it's stressful to think that maybe sometimes the choices are left up to you. Maybe the idea of this challenges you or your understanding of God in some other way.
Personally, I'm comfortable with the idea because in a way, it takes the pressure off a little. If God has a plan for everything, and I make the wrong choice, I could ruin his plan for my life! It feels very freeing to think that sometimes God wants us to make our own choices and that he will work through them.
So while I don't really struggle with this idea, I do still struggle with wanting to make the "best" choice. Even if God doesn't have a specific plan all laid out for me, I can't help feeling that some choices are going to be better or more logical than others, so there must also be a best choice if I just think it through enough. So I end up spending an insane amount of time examining everything from every angle, trying to figure out what's the very best. After all, I don't want to do anything imperfectly. I want it all figured out, planned out, and flawlessly carried out.
But more and more, I'm starting to think that maybe in a lot of situations, there isn't even a "best" or most logical plan. Maybe sometimes lots of different options will work out equally well-- differently, but equally well-- and I just need to make a choice and go for it. Maybe I'll fail. Maybe it won't be all that I thought it was cracked up to be. And that's okay. (I know that, but it's a hard pill to swallow still, because I fear failure.)
If the key to becoming a successful writer is to write, perhaps the key to living a successful life is to, well, live. Make choices. Try new things. Do something you're afraid to do. Accept that you may fail sometimes. Just live-- even when you don't feel like it, even when you don't think you have anything to do or say, even when you may be coming up against the status quo, and even (maybe especially) when you fear failure.
The first two reasons are true of me occasionally. There have been plenty of times where I'm itching to write something, but I have no idea what I want to say. And several posts have been sitting in my drafts for quite a while now because I fear that they're too controversial to put out there.
But if I'm being completely honest, the third reason probably rings truest for me most of the time. In my writing, just as in the rest of my life, I want things to be perfect and I hesitate to make a move at all unless I feel that it's flawless.
At church lately, and also in a few conversations, the idea has been discussed that maybe God doesn't have a specific plan laid out for everything in our lives. Maybe there are areas that are left up to us to decide, and God will work through them. Perhaps things like how many children to have, or where to live, or what career to pursue. While I'm sure that God does have a plan for these things for some people, I'm also fairly confident that many times he gives us passions and talents and then wants us to use our free will in conjunction with these to make choices about our lives-- and then he will work through those choices.
I know that some have a hard time grasping that idea. Maybe it sounds slightly blasphemous, as though I'm saying God isn't actually all-powerful. (That's not what I'm saying.) Or perhaps it freaks you out a little because you like the idea of God having it all planned out, and it's stressful to think that maybe sometimes the choices are left up to you. Maybe the idea of this challenges you or your understanding of God in some other way.
Personally, I'm comfortable with the idea because in a way, it takes the pressure off a little. If God has a plan for everything, and I make the wrong choice, I could ruin his plan for my life! It feels very freeing to think that sometimes God wants us to make our own choices and that he will work through them.
So while I don't really struggle with this idea, I do still struggle with wanting to make the "best" choice. Even if God doesn't have a specific plan all laid out for me, I can't help feeling that some choices are going to be better or more logical than others, so there must also be a best choice if I just think it through enough. So I end up spending an insane amount of time examining everything from every angle, trying to figure out what's the very best. After all, I don't want to do anything imperfectly. I want it all figured out, planned out, and flawlessly carried out.
But more and more, I'm starting to think that maybe in a lot of situations, there isn't even a "best" or most logical plan. Maybe sometimes lots of different options will work out equally well-- differently, but equally well-- and I just need to make a choice and go for it. Maybe I'll fail. Maybe it won't be all that I thought it was cracked up to be. And that's okay. (I know that, but it's a hard pill to swallow still, because I fear failure.)
If the key to becoming a successful writer is to write, perhaps the key to living a successful life is to, well, live. Make choices. Try new things. Do something you're afraid to do. Accept that you may fail sometimes. Just live-- even when you don't feel like it, even when you don't think you have anything to do or say, even when you may be coming up against the status quo, and even (maybe especially) when you fear failure.
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