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Did you know spanking can have a sexual effect on children even if it wasn't what their parents intended? I know that people who haven't experienced this will probably scoff at it, but it's true. I know it is because it happened to me.
My parents never intended spanking to be sexual in any way. It was a form of discipline to them, and nothing more. In fact, I don't remember being spanked very frequently. I can clearly remember four spankings, but I'm sure there were more I don't recall. Spanking on bare skin didn't happen often as far as I remember, but it did happen and I knew the threat of it was there. I do remember it happening twice, and one of those times was when I was around 10 or 11 years old.
When I was around 8 or 9, I became obsessed with spanking. I would play with my dolls and stuffed animals and make up elaborate stories where they were brutally and methodically punished. I would play with my friends or by myself and spanking was often included. We would hit each other or I would even hit myself.
As I got older, probably by the time I was 10 or 11, the thought of spanking made me have sexual feelings. I didn't realize at the time that it was a sexual feeling, because that was all new to me. All I knew was that when I thought about it, I felt funny, and if touched myself in certain places, it felt good. I didn't know until my mid-teens that this was masturbation, and that masturbation was supposed to be sexual. By then I was so used to it being connected in my mind to the thought of spanking that it seemed weird to think about sexual things.
Once I realized this, I saw that spanking and sexual feelings had become connected to each other in my mind. I worked hard to put a stop to it, but even now I still occasionally struggle if I read about spanking methods or hear about it being threatened. As an adult who is aware of the connection I made, I'm able to quickly stop the feeling and refocus, but as a child I couldn't do that.
A couple years ago I read some articles online about the sexual effects of spanking and that's when I began to understand why the two had become connected in my mind. The buttocks are an erogenous zone and a private area, close to the genitals and sexual nerves. Smacking a child's bottom (especially a naked bottom, but even clothed) can cause some children to make a connection in their minds between the act of spanking and sexual feelings. And it can (and does) happen even if the parent doesn't intend for the spanking to be sexual.
I've learned that this is a much more common effect of spanking than most people realize. It just isn't talked about very much, probably because it's so personal and potentially embarrassing. It needs to be talked about more. Many people don't realize that spanking can have a sexual effect on children because they haven't experienced it and no one has ever told them about it.
But here is the truth: It happens to some kids, regardless of the parent's intention. Many parents may not even realize the effect that spanking is having on their kids. Mine didn't. You have no way of knowing if your child is going to be one of the ones who is affected in this way. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. I know that just because this connection is made with some people, like me, doesn't mean it will happen with all people. But just because the connection isn't made with some people, maybe like you, doesn't mean it won't happen for others. The fact that the potential is there needs to be talked about and parents need to consider it before they decide to spank their children.
My parents never intended spanking to be sexual in any way. It was a form of discipline to them, and nothing more. In fact, I don't remember being spanked very frequently. I can clearly remember four spankings, but I'm sure there were more I don't recall. Spanking on bare skin didn't happen often as far as I remember, but it did happen and I knew the threat of it was there. I do remember it happening twice, and one of those times was when I was around 10 or 11 years old.
When I was around 8 or 9, I became obsessed with spanking. I would play with my dolls and stuffed animals and make up elaborate stories where they were brutally and methodically punished. I would play with my friends or by myself and spanking was often included. We would hit each other or I would even hit myself.
As I got older, probably by the time I was 10 or 11, the thought of spanking made me have sexual feelings. I didn't realize at the time that it was a sexual feeling, because that was all new to me. All I knew was that when I thought about it, I felt funny, and if touched myself in certain places, it felt good. I didn't know until my mid-teens that this was masturbation, and that masturbation was supposed to be sexual. By then I was so used to it being connected in my mind to the thought of spanking that it seemed weird to think about sexual things.
Once I realized this, I saw that spanking and sexual feelings had become connected to each other in my mind. I worked hard to put a stop to it, but even now I still occasionally struggle if I read about spanking methods or hear about it being threatened. As an adult who is aware of the connection I made, I'm able to quickly stop the feeling and refocus, but as a child I couldn't do that.
A couple years ago I read some articles online about the sexual effects of spanking and that's when I began to understand why the two had become connected in my mind. The buttocks are an erogenous zone and a private area, close to the genitals and sexual nerves. Smacking a child's bottom (especially a naked bottom, but even clothed) can cause some children to make a connection in their minds between the act of spanking and sexual feelings. And it can (and does) happen even if the parent doesn't intend for the spanking to be sexual.
I've learned that this is a much more common effect of spanking than most people realize. It just isn't talked about very much, probably because it's so personal and potentially embarrassing. It needs to be talked about more. Many people don't realize that spanking can have a sexual effect on children because they haven't experienced it and no one has ever told them about it.
But here is the truth: It happens to some kids, regardless of the parent's intention. Many parents may not even realize the effect that spanking is having on their kids. Mine didn't. You have no way of knowing if your child is going to be one of the ones who is affected in this way. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. I know that just because this connection is made with some people, like me, doesn't mean it will happen with all people. But just because the connection isn't made with some people, maybe like you, doesn't mean it won't happen for others. The fact that the potential is there needs to be talked about and parents need to consider it before they decide to spank their children.
I never knew this...but it makes so much sense to me. =(
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this - both the guest author and to you on the blog.
ReplyDeleteIt is insightful and provides information about spanking that many parents may not be aware of.
It also supports the fact that as parents we cannot control how our children experience punishment. There are other ways; much more loving ways to direct our children. We can learn them!
Wow...thanks for sharing. Makes total sense...
ReplyDeleteAlso for some women it can cause issues with trust during sex and pelvic exams. when a child gets used to tightening up the buttock area when spanned the same can happen during pelvic exams which can be frustrating and embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteAlso for some women it can cause issues with trust during sex and pelvic exams. when a child gets used to tightening up the buttock area when spanned the same can happen during pelvic exams which can be frustrating and embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteThis was my experience, I became fascinated with spanking since I was 8. Spanking was on my mind through most of my adolescence. I also seeked out spankings from 8 on.
ReplyDeleteI'm 70, so I was growing up at a time when child spanking was practically commonplace. And yet, even as naughty children were often having their bottoms warmed (and not uncommonly with their pants pulled down), mine was somehow never subject to correction.
ReplyDeleteI was six when I knew spanking was laying claim to my imagination. My mum was a schoolteacher, and I would sometimes be with her after hours when I could sneak into the different classrooms and see how the teacher's dictionary defined the critical "spanking" words. Simply seeing "SPANKING" on the cover of a parenting magazine literally had me spellbound.
It was the hard fact of naughty children having their bottoms bared and turned up on the lap of adult authority for smacking and paddling that fascinated me like nothing else in this life. I drew pencil sketches and wrote descriptions of spankings, and any mention of it in a book of children's stories immediately jumped out at me.
Back when Mum was away at Teachers College, I was caught stealing the change from my sisters' coat pockets. I would've been eight years old, and my 16-year-old sister (who was in charge of me) 'asked' me if I wanted her to pull down my pants and paddle my bare bottom; her way of warning me what would happen if I ever stole again. By rights, I should've been soundly spanked then and there because I did steal again (more than once).
I know I can't relate my whole spanking history here. It's available, though, in various places online, sometimes under different names. There used to be a forum called "Spanking Parents Message Board," and I spent at least a year on it as the actively pro-spanking mother of two teenage boys. I gave them the spankings I dreamed of getting all through my teens and twenties.
At age 13, I began secretly paddling and strapping my bare backside, preferring to use my parents' bedroom where the mirrors gave me a perfect view of the proceedings. I was already plagued by post-masturbation guilt, but even if nothing else, I was genuinely addicted to the sting. Corrupted or not, I couldn't keep away from it.
I somehow had little or no difficulty obtaining spanking books and magazines. I even once shoplifted a spanking book in high school. When I was 14, my mum privately confronted me one day with a certain book I'd forgotten in the bathroom. She wanted to know if I felt I'd "missed out by never getting a bare bottom spanking." We both knew the honest answer, but neither of us had the nerve to act on it. I was dismissively told to "stop being silly."
In the years to come, I first married into playful paddlings, and shortly after my divorce, I began paying professional female dominants to spank me. Over 14 years, I spent something like $5000.00 on punishment for my bare bottom. My very first such over-the-knee spanking had me claiming I'd only been introduced to my truest sense of self. Spanking became my religion, and the female lap was my place of worship.
The internet became my adult bookstore. There's such a wealth of spanking material online, it's fairly intoxicating. In all honesty, it's probably just as well I was never a parent. My own emotional growth and development suffered from my being deprived of the spankings I deserved. Better that I never had to question any spankings I ever gave.
I've often said online that spanking is as much a part of who I am as my blood type. Truly, it's been both a blessing and a curse. I know I'm powerless against it.
P.S. Further regarding the sexual effects of spanking, I learned from my mother, as an adult (in a letter), that she'd had spanking fantasies of her own as a girl. She imagined herself running an orphanage and being free to spank all the waifs and strays on their bare bottoms. As she got older, living in a religious household, she suppressed what she felt to be her improper fantasy.
ReplyDeleteEven before she'd left for Teachers College, she'd found material evidence of my own spanking fixation - pages of my artwork that I hadn't hidden very well. And I was naughty enough at times when we both knew I deserved to be spanked. She as much as said so on occasion.
Looking back at our history, I can't help thinking, given our respective relationships with spanking, that she must've had real qualms about ever warming my bottom. Asking me at 14 if I wanted her to pull down my pants and spank me, she had to have been seriously conflicted, unsure of how either of us might react to her spanking me bare-bottomed across her knee.
My addiction to spanking became something of a minefield in our family. I reached out through the mail for understanding, and the attempt blew up in my face. To her credit, I will say my mother did eventually tell me she would, in fact, spank me if she had it to do over again. Believe it or not, that deprivation made real trouble for me. Then again, addictions can do that, can't they?