Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Sexual Effects of Spanking

The author of this guest post is being kept anonymous. It's a very personal and sensitive topic, and she did not want her identity to be shared. However, I do want to say that this is not some story I've pulled off the internet by a random person I don't even know. This is the very real experience of someone I know well. I say that because I want you to know that this is a credible story. I hope you'll hear what she has to say.


Did you know spanking can have a sexual effect on children even if it wasn't what their parents intended? I know that people who haven't experienced this will probably scoff at it, but it's true. I know it is because it happened to me.

My parents never intended spanking to be sexual in any way. It was a form of discipline to them, and nothing more. In fact, I don't remember being spanked very frequently. I can clearly remember four spankings, but I'm sure there were more I don't recall. Spanking on bare skin didn't happen often as far as I remember, but it did happen and I knew the threat of it was there. I do remember it happening twice, and one of those times was when I was around 10 or 11 years old.

When I was around 8 or 9, I became obsessed with spanking. I would play with my dolls and stuffed animals and make up elaborate stories where they were brutally and methodically punished. I would play with my friends or by myself and spanking was often included. We would hit each other or I would even hit myself.

As I got older, probably by the time I was 10 or 11, the thought of spanking made me have sexual feelings. I didn't realize at the time that it was a sexual feeling, because that was all new to me. All I knew was that when I thought about it, I felt funny, and if touched myself in certain places, it felt good. I didn't know until my mid-teens that this was masturbation, and that masturbation was supposed to be sexual. By then I was so used to it being connected in my mind to the thought of spanking that it seemed weird to think about sexual things.

Once I realized this, I saw that spanking and sexual feelings had become connected to each other in my mind. I worked hard to put a stop to it, but even now I still occasionally struggle if I read about spanking methods or hear about it being threatened. As an adult who is aware of the connection I made, I'm able to quickly stop the feeling and refocus, but as a child I couldn't do that.

A couple years ago I read some articles online about the sexual effects of spanking and that's when I began to understand why the two had become connected in my mind. The buttocks are an erogenous zone and a private area, close to the genitals and sexual nerves. Smacking a child's bottom (especially a naked bottom, but even clothed) can cause some children to make a connection in their minds between the act of spanking and sexual feelings. And it can (and does) happen even if the parent doesn't intend for the spanking to be sexual.

I've learned that this is a much more common effect of spanking than most people realize. It just isn't talked about very much, probably because it's so personal and potentially embarrassing. It needs to be talked about more. Many people don't realize that spanking can have a sexual effect on children because they haven't experienced it and no one has ever told them about it.

But here is the truth: It happens to some kids, regardless of the parent's intention. Many parents may not even realize the effect that spanking is having on their kids. Mine didn't. You have no way of knowing if your child is going to be one of the ones who is affected in this way. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. I know that just because this connection is made with some people, like me, doesn't mean it will happen with all people. But just because the connection isn't made with some people, maybe like you, doesn't mean it won't happen for others. The fact that the potential is there needs to be talked about and parents need to consider it before they decide to spank their children.


  1. I never knew this...but it makes so much sense to me. =(

  2. Thank you for sharing this - both the guest author and to you on the blog.

    It is insightful and provides information about spanking that many parents may not be aware of.

    It also supports the fact that as parents we cannot control how our children experience punishment. There are other ways; much more loving ways to direct our children. We can learn them!

  3. Wow...thanks for sharing. Makes total sense...